As I stare at the blank page before me it stands as a reminder of the state I was in while entering Juilliard. The blinking cursor standing as a representation of the passing of time, the rhythm of the unfolding of my last 3 1/2 years of growth. However, the blankness and the passing of time is also a scary reminder of the unknown that stands before me. The difference between my freshman framework and my current state of mind is the excitement in the duality of the unknown being that it’s also undefined. I have the power to shape my final semester and this shaping will lay stepping stones for the rest of my life.
Juilliard has shaped my opinions about the dance community, and helped create my personal ideology about being a dancer. There is a natural assumption that because the program at Juilliard is so intimate and specific that the path following the program would inherently be narrow. However, through my journey at Juilliard I’ve found that the intimacy and specificity has only enabled greater personal development beyond any stereotypical program template. During my personal development my concept of time was brought into deep reflection as my perception of “busyness” was quickly revised. Thinking back to this time freshman year we felt overloaded with rehearsals (two nights a week) for our spring performance. Flash forward to the present and I feel strangely calm thinking about our spring dance repertory, producing, dancing, and choreographing senior production, and preparing for senior solo showcase. On top of it all there is an unspoken expectation to spend the remaining five months figuring out the rest of our lives. While in the past I may have felt overwhelmed I feel confident with the tools I’ve acquired through my time at Juilliard. I’m able to approach this hectic time with a clarity that wasn’t developed when I arrived.
I’m the kind of person who decides if a day was good or not based on the amount of “checks” accomplished on my to-do list. The perfectionist in me would love to share a collection of knowledge I wish I could have shared with my younger self three years ago when I began this journey:
1. Throw your ass in the air!
Being serious is important and having focus in class is important, but find the enjoyment in taking the risk. In class, thinking about “more” in the greater sense of the word. I needed to learn to change my perspective. A jump could be lifting off from the floor and landing through the balls of my feet, or it could be MORE – throwing my ass in the air.
2. Finding an attachment to the idea of not being attached.
When I entered the program I always reminded myself to be a sponge – to absorb everything. However, I quickly realized that there was a misbalance because there were new concepts being introduced that contradicted old content. I was inevitably attached to the old material, and this was stinting my growth. If I could talk to my younger self, I’d tell myself to have the courage to rip down and rebuild completely, to let go of everything I thought I knew. I would encourage myself to imagine being a lego house rather than a sponge. Being okay with breaking down the pieces and remembering that the integrity remains the same just in a new form.
3. Asking for help when you need it (And you will).
My dad always said to me growing up, that between the ages of 15-25 the actions made during these paramount years would define the rest of my life. The overburdening of that kind of ownership felt defeating and led me to feel like I had to go off to college and be completely independent. It took me at least the first three years of undergrad to learn to ask for help and realize it wasn’t a defeatist tactic. It wasn’t a weakness I was displaying, but taking responsibility for what I needed. I’d encourage myself to find the confidence to vocalize my thoughts regardless of whether this is asking for help or asking for anything in general. Note to young Brennan: Ask for what you need, and this extends beyond dance.
By adding these three tidbits of knowledge into my daily life, they have made my years at Juilliard more fulfilling and I’m a fuller person because of it. Advice to my present self: get out of your head, take bigger chances, and strive to appreciate the last 5 months you have with your class of 2016 family.
Written by: Brennan Clost
Juilliard has shaped my opinions about the dance community, and helped create my personal ideology about being a dancer. There is a natural assumption that because the program at Juilliard is so intimate and specific that the path following the program would inherently be narrow. However, through my journey at Juilliard I’ve found that the intimacy and specificity has only enabled greater personal development beyond any stereotypical program template. During my personal development my concept of time was brought into deep reflection as my perception of “busyness” was quickly revised. Thinking back to this time freshman year we felt overloaded with rehearsals (two nights a week) for our spring performance. Flash forward to the present and I feel strangely calm thinking about our spring dance repertory, producing, dancing, and choreographing senior production, and preparing for senior solo showcase. On top of it all there is an unspoken expectation to spend the remaining five months figuring out the rest of our lives. While in the past I may have felt overwhelmed I feel confident with the tools I’ve acquired through my time at Juilliard. I’m able to approach this hectic time with a clarity that wasn’t developed when I arrived.
I’m the kind of person who decides if a day was good or not based on the amount of “checks” accomplished on my to-do list. The perfectionist in me would love to share a collection of knowledge I wish I could have shared with my younger self three years ago when I began this journey:
1. Throw your ass in the air!
Being serious is important and having focus in class is important, but find the enjoyment in taking the risk. In class, thinking about “more” in the greater sense of the word. I needed to learn to change my perspective. A jump could be lifting off from the floor and landing through the balls of my feet, or it could be MORE – throwing my ass in the air.
2. Finding an attachment to the idea of not being attached.
When I entered the program I always reminded myself to be a sponge – to absorb everything. However, I quickly realized that there was a misbalance because there were new concepts being introduced that contradicted old content. I was inevitably attached to the old material, and this was stinting my growth. If I could talk to my younger self, I’d tell myself to have the courage to rip down and rebuild completely, to let go of everything I thought I knew. I would encourage myself to imagine being a lego house rather than a sponge. Being okay with breaking down the pieces and remembering that the integrity remains the same just in a new form.
3. Asking for help when you need it (And you will).
My dad always said to me growing up, that between the ages of 15-25 the actions made during these paramount years would define the rest of my life. The overburdening of that kind of ownership felt defeating and led me to feel like I had to go off to college and be completely independent. It took me at least the first three years of undergrad to learn to ask for help and realize it wasn’t a defeatist tactic. It wasn’t a weakness I was displaying, but taking responsibility for what I needed. I’d encourage myself to find the confidence to vocalize my thoughts regardless of whether this is asking for help or asking for anything in general. Note to young Brennan: Ask for what you need, and this extends beyond dance.
By adding these three tidbits of knowledge into my daily life, they have made my years at Juilliard more fulfilling and I’m a fuller person because of it. Advice to my present self: get out of your head, take bigger chances, and strive to appreciate the last 5 months you have with your class of 2016 family.
Written by: Brennan Clost